Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize