maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
