He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We got so high we made milksteak
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize