On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
