So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
