i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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