My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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