He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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