Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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