Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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