I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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