chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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