if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
