Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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