We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
