I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
