I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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