I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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