I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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