I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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