quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
