my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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