he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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