ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
