yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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