I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
