It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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