A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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