i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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