no you cant smoke seaweed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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