I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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