hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
