Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
