Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
