id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
