Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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