she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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