i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
