it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize