Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
