I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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