were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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