I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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