You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
