i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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