Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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