Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
