I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
