Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
