I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
