I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
