We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
