You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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