Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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