Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize