I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
