Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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