she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
