Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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