omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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