I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
