why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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