can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Randomize
