I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
