you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
