Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
