just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
