Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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