I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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