do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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