He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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