i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
