I should be sponsored by Trojan
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
