is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dear god my vagina.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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