I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize