Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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