btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
