I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
