I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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